Fragile Heart CHAPTER 9

2

Chapter 9

Natigagal ako sa luhang dumaloy sa mga mata ni Ezella parang sinuntok ako sa dibdib sa nakita ko. Dahan dahan nitong hinila ang kamay niya napatingin ako dito at nagulat ako dahil namamaga ito.

“What happen to your hands? Nag aalalang tanong ko dito. Hindi ito nag salita muli ay tinalikuran ako nito at nag lakad paalis. Sinundan ko na naman siya, gabi na at hindi ako papayag na mag gala pa siya delikado ngayon lalo na sa katulad niya at lalo pa niya akong pinag alala sa nakita ko sa kamay niya. Agad ko siyang hinarang.

“Hayaan mo na nga ako! Galit ng sigaw ni Ezella.

“Answer me! What happen to your hands?

“Pakealam mo ba! Pinunasan na nito ang luha niya at matapang na humarap sa akin. “Lumayas ka sa harap ko! Hanggat nag titimpi pa ako sayo! Banta na nito sa akin. Pero hindi naman ako nakadama ng takot dito.

“Halika na umuwi kana.” Yaya ko dito. “Kaylangan natin mapatingin ang kamay mo. Bakit ba kasi nag kaganyan yan? Mahinahong sabi ko dito.

“Umuwi ka mag isa mo! Hayaan mo na ako at wag mo na akong plastickin!

“Fuck! Ezella naman wag ka ng matigas ang ulo! Ginulo ko ang buhok ko sa inis. “Sige wag kang umuwi! Pero pupuntahan ko sila papang do’n at isusumbong kita! Banta ko na dito.

Nakita ko ang pag katigagal ni Ezella. Nagtagumpay ako.
Tinalikuran na naman niya ako at lumakad na ito pauwi sinundan ko nalang siya sisiguraduhin kong ligtas siyang makakauwi.

“Zella. Tell me what happen to your hands?

“Hindi mo alam? Napalingon na tugon ni Ezella kita ang lungkot sa mukha. “Ito lang naman nakuha ko sa pag tanggol ko sayo kanina. At ang nakakatawa.” Ngumiti ito ng may pait. “Napagbintangan pa ako na kasabwat nila.”

“Zella-

“Pero okay lang! Kung ayaw mo sa akin ayaw ko rin sayo! Mabilis itong tumalikod at nag lakad paalis.

Gusto kong maga saya kasi wala na si Ezella sa buhay ko at maiiwasan ko na matuloy sa pag kakagusto ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Pero bakit ganito ang pakiramdam ko parang may malaking nawala sa buhay ko at parang dinurog nito ang puso ko.

“Mawawala din ito. Sa umpisa lang ito pero pag nag tagal masasanay din ako.”

Isang linggo ng lumipas pero bakit ganito parin ang nararamdaman ko. Sa tatlong linggo na hindi ko nakausap at nakapiling si Ezella talagang namiss ko siya at ng mag usap kami pag tapos ng linggong iyon at nasabi ko na sa kanya na ayaw ko na siyang kaibigan parang nadagdagan ang bigat ng dibdib ko namimiss ko lalo siya at ang bigat nitong nasa puso ko. Kahit sa pag tulog halos ayaw akong dalawin at palaging malayo ang isip ko.

“Iho kumain kana. Tulala ka na naman diyan.” Pansin sa akin ng mama ni Angelo.

“Ah salamat po. Sige kakain na po ako.”

“Mukhang may dinaramdam ka ah. Masama ba pakiramdam mo? Bakas sa mukha nito ang pag aalala.

“Hindi naman po. May iniisip lang po ako.”

“Kung problema man ‘yan solusyunan mo para hindi ka nag kakaganyan.” Nakangiti ng payo ng ginang napangiti narin ako.

“Salamat po tita.” Ginulo lang nito ang buhok ko at ngumiti ulit.

Nang matapos akong kumain sa labas na ako tumambay nakatitig sa dagat.

“Zin! Tawag sa akin ni Angelo. Umupo ito sa tabi ko.

“Oh?

“Sabi ni nanay mukhang may problema ka daw?

“Hindi naman problema. Siguro.” Napabuntunghininga. “Ewan.”

“Si Zellay yan ano? Napatingin ako kay Angelo. “Obvious ka kasi tol eh. Simula ng iniiwasan mo na si Zellay naging matamlay kana at parang laging wala sa sarili.”

Napabuntunghininga na naman ako.

“Mukhang huli na ako sa pag iwas eh.” Nakita ko ang pang lalaki ng mata ni Angelo. “I think I like her. Not as a friend more than that.”

“Sabi ko na eh! Paano ‘yan?

“I don’t know. Pero parang ‘di ko na kaya eh parang masisiraan na ako ng bait pag hindi ko pa siya nakita ulit at nakasama.”

“Eh kung seryoso ka na diyan ipag patuloy mo pero sana tol panindigan mo. Ayokong masaktan mo si Zellay kahit ganun ‘yun kaibigan ko parin si Zellay at isa pa baka hindi kana makalabas ng buhay dito pag niloko mo siya.”

Napangiti ako at ginulo buhok niya.

“Bakit dahil ipapatira ako ni Zella sa mga tropa niya.”

“Si Zellay malabong gawin ‘yon. Pero ‘yong gang ng kapatid niya na nag babantay sa kanila maaari. Baka nga alam na nila na aaligid aligid ka kay Zellay eh.”

“Kapatid? Si Ezrah? Sa bata niyang ‘yon may gang siya? Nagulat ako.

Nakita ko ang pag kalito ng mukha nito na napatingin sa akin.

“Di mo pa ba alam? Wala bang naekekwento sayo si Zellay?

“Tungkol saan?

“Sa nakakatandang kapatid niya? Sa kuya niya?

Nagulat ako. May kapatid pa pala si Ezella at nakakatandang lalakeng kapatid? Bakit hindi ito nababanggit sa akin ni Ezella? Ni mabanggit at mapag usapan man lang sa bahay nila pag naando’n ako. At wala ni bakas ng litrato ng kapatid niya sa bahay nila.

“Hindi mo nga alam?

“Oo. Teka kung may kuya pa si Zella eh nasaan siya at bakit hindi ko siya nakikita? Mag dadalawang buwan na ako dito eh.”

“Ang balita kinuha na daw ng tunay na ama. Anak kasi si Macky sa pag kadalaga ng mama ni Zellay ng mag isang taon na si Macky saka nagkakilala ang papa at mama ni Zellay at nag pakasal. Dalawang taon na kaming walang balita kay Macky pero bago siya umalis ibinilin daw nito ang mga kapatid niya sa gang nito dito. Si Macky kasi ang leader nun noong nandito pa walang sino man ang kumakalaban sa kanya matapang kasi talaga iyon at handang makipag patayan para sa pamilya.”

“Kung ganun nasaan na pala ‘yong kuya niya?

“Nasa ibang bansa daw. Tahimik lang kasi ang pamilyang ‘yan pag dating sa buhay nila. Pero mag iingat ka ng minsan may nanloko diyan kay Ezrah nalaman nalang namin na naospital ang taong ‘yun at halos ‘di na makalakad kaya kung may plano kang saktan si Zellay mag isip isip ka.”

“Wala akong planong saktan si Ezella. Seryoso ako dito sa nararamdaman ko.”

“Eh ‘di push mo ‘yan.” Ngumisi si Angelo.

Pinuntahan ko si Ezella ng hapon na iyon sa bahay nila hindi ko ito naabutan doon sabi ni Amihan nasa tabi daw ito ng dagat at nag palipas ng oras doon kaya mabilis ko siyang pinuntahan doon. Nakita ko siya sa may batuhan at doon nakaupo hawak ang gitara pero hindi niya ito ginagamit dahil sa nakaplaster niyang kamay.
Pero kumakanta ito. Narinig ko na naman ang boses niya, ang magandang boses na ito na ilang araw ko ding hindi naririnig.

Kahit hindi gwapo
Kahit na di matalino 
Basta’t siya’y may puso 
Siya parin ang gugustuhin ko.

Napangiti ako sa kinakanta niya hindi sa akin pamilyar ang kantang iyon at nag tataka ako bakit parang paborito niya ang kantang iyon. Ilang beses ko ng kasing narinig na kinakanta niya ang kantang iyon.

Umiinom man ng marami
Basta wag lang balde balde
Umiinom pero di lasenggo

Bigla naman ako napaisip bakit parang may kilala akong gano’ng tao.

Ang tipo kong lalake medyo bastos
Maginoo pero medyo bastos
Maginoo pero medyo bastos 
Maginoo pero medyo bastos.

“Wait maginoo pero medyo bastos? Don’t tell me yong Nijel ‘yun?

Nakadama ako ng inis at nilapitan na si Ezella at pasalampak na umupo sa tabi niya. Nagulat itong napatingin sa akin.

“Wag mo na uling kakantahin ang kantang ‘yan! Nakakainis! 
Inis na utos ko sa kanya.

“Ano? Gulat. Maya maya mukhang natauhan ito at tumayo. “Anong ginagawa mo dito? Sinusundan mo ba ako?

“Oo! Wala ka sa bahay niyo eh and Amihan said your here so I decided to follow you here.”

“Ano? Teka nga bakit mo ako sinundan?

“We need to talk.” Seryoso ko ng tugon.

“Talk? Para saan naman at sorry ha hindi ako nakikipag usap sa hindi ko kakilala! Inirapan niya ako at aalis na sana.

Hinawakan ko ito sa braso at hinila payakap sa akin. Mahigpit ko siyang niyakap.

“I miss you Zella.”

******
Natigagal ako at parang tuod na nanigas ng yakapin ako ni Zion.

“I miss you Zella.”

Miss? Na miss niya ako? 

“Akala ko ba ayaw na niya akong maging kaibigan? At nag sawa na siya sa akin? Bakit ngayon bigla siyang susulpot at yayakapin ako sasabihin pa na namiss niya ako? Ano ‘to lokohan?

Tinulak ko siya para mapalayo sa akin.

“Wag mo nga akong yakapin! At tigilan mo ako miss miss ka diyan eh di’ba ayaw mo na akong maging kaibigan at sawa ka na sa akin! Galit na sigaw ko dito.

“Sorry kung nasabi ko sayo lahat ng iyon.”

“Sorry? Wala na nasabi mo na! At nakasakit kana! Kaya wala ng magagawa ‘yang sorry mo! Galit ko pa ding sabi dito.

“Zella I like you.” Puno ng sensiridad na sabi nito.

Nanlaki ang mata ko.

“I like you. Anong ibig niyang sabihin? Like niya akong maging kaibigan? Maging kaaway?

“I like you Ezella Pinaghugutan not just as a friend.”

“Tangkana! Ayos na sana eh bakit pa nabanggit apelyedo ko?

“And I want you to be my girl.”

Namilog ang mata ko. Seryoso ba ito o pinag titripan lang niya ako?

“Nantitrip ka ba? 

Nakita ko na nag bago ang expression ng mukha nito at nainis.

“Mukha ba akong nantitrip ha. I’m serious! Inis na tugon nito.

“Pero sabi mo-

“Oo sinabi ko ‘yun kasi akala ko nagugustuhan palang kita kaya mas minabuti kong iwasan ka pero hindi pala. Gusto na pala talaga kita at mababaliw na ako kung patuloy kitang iiwasan.” Malamlam ang mukha nito na nag sasalita.

“Gusto mo akong iwasan dahil akala mo nagugustuhan mo ako? Bakit mo naman ako iiwasan dahil ba probinsiyana lang ako at ikaw taga Maynila?

“No Zella.”

“Pero ano? Sigaw ko na naman. “Mas pinapalala mo lang sama ng loob ko kaya pwede ba wag mo na akong kausapin! At tinalikuran ito.

Nagulat ako ng may yumakap sa likod ko mahigpit at ayaw akong pakawalan.

“Dahil tingin ko pag pinagpatuloy ko lang ito at maging pareho ang nararamdaman natin ay pareho lang tayong masaktan.” Narinig ko ang pag buntunghininga nito. “Zella kaya ako napunta dito dahil nag layas lang ako sa amin.”

Natigagal na naman ako sa narinig kong katotohanan mula kay Zion.

“I was so mad of my father. I hate him so much for always hurting my mother when she was alive at ng mawala ang mommy ko wala pang isang taon dinala na niya agad sa bahay namin ang babae niya at ang nakakatawa matagal na pala niyang niloloko ang mommy ko dahil may anak pa siya sa babae niya na isang taon lang ang tanda ko. May half brother ako Zella masakit iyon sa akin pero nag tiis muna ako dahil ama ko siya eh baka may pag asa pa kami pero ang tanggalin ang lahat ng ala-ala ng mama ko kahit pa ang na cremate niyang katawan na nasa tahanan namin ay inalis ni daddy. Doon na ako sumabog. Nag away kami ni daddy at nasaktan niya ako. Kaya nag layas ako ayoko siyang makasama pa pati ang babae at kapatid ko.”

Humarap ako kay Zion kita sa mga mata nito ang lungkot.

“Paano mo naman ako masasaktan doon?

“Dahil baka hindi mo matanggap ang pag katao ko. At isa pa walang kasiguraduhan ang buhay ko paano kung hanapin ako ni daddy at ibalik sa amin baka maiwanan lang kita at magkalayo tayo.”

“Eh bakit ngayon nag tatapat ka imbes na tuluyan mo akong iniiwasan.”

“Kasi hindi ko na kaya. Mababaliw na ako eh.”

“Eh paano nga kung mag kagusto ako sayo? Tapos nag
tapat ka pa paano na tayo?

“Nag desisyon na ako. Ano man ang kahinatnan natin paninindigan ko na ito at ipag lalaban kita. Pero natatakot akong baka ikaw naman ang umayaw dahil sa ipinaalam ko sayo.”

Ngumiti na ako.

“Assuming ka ano? Sure ka ba na mag kakagusto ako sayo?

Napangiti na ako dito at niyakap ko siya.

“Liligawan kita at ito ay totohanan na.” 

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